4 Surprising Things about New Year’s Resolutions for Neurodivergents

Are you a New Year’s Resolution person, or an “it’s the circumstances’ turn to improve” person? Because either way, there are some things you need to know about why neurodivergent people may struggle with resolutions to understand why they don’t always work.

First, if you’ve got the same resolution you had last year (say, to get your home clean, maybe?) you’re going to either need a different resolution or you’re going to need to approach it in a different way.

Doing the same thing only trying harder isn’t necessarily going to be successful unless some other major factors have changed. If you moved into a new home, for example, and you didn’t have trouble organizing the last one but you simply want to get unpacked, that’s manageable. But if you live in the same home and you’re just trusting that this year is going to be different because of pixie dust and effort, you may need to revisit that idea.

Especially when we’re trying to hold ourselves to neurotypical standards, like being able to have a cleaning schedule when we have much more variable energy that we can’t necessarily plan for, we’re going to struggle. And if we’re trying to do things the neurotypical way, like by building better habits instead of focusing on creating routines, we’re setting ourselves up for disappointment.

The second thing you should know is that relying on shame and guilt to help you meet your goals WILL actually make it worse. Expecting bad feelings to make you feel better is ineffective at best and actively damaging at worst.

Think of it like this. If you rely on adrenaline to get your home cleaned – such as inviting someone over and then panic-cleaning before they arrive – your body responds to that adrenaline because it thinks you’re being chased by tigers.

Nobody enjoys being chased by tigers.

So the next time, when you’re trying to think about cleaning up, your body reacts with panic because you’ve taught yourself that cleaning should be a panicky activity. And that’s probably not going to make you want to clean more! So instead of relying on panic, guilt, shame, or self-criticism, try looking for things that make you feel GOOD instead. That will be a lot more motivating in the long run.

Third, keep in mind that a million changes sounds exciting, but makes you more likely to burn out. That to-do list you’re creating with 84 items on it is fun to make, but impossible to keep up with if you want to do literally anything else in your day.

Suffering does not equal responsibility. A to do list that’s meant for a week is better than one meant for every day. That way, if you have variable energy levels you can still plan to have it done by the end of the week, instead of feeling bad when you can’t keep up every day. It’s okay not to do everything every day when that was never the plan in the first place.

And finally, if your resolution is to build better habits, I’m going to need you to change that to building better routines. Those of us with neurodivergent brains often don’t do habits very well. If you still have to remind yourself to brush your teeth despite doing it your whole life, the odds that you’ll spontaneously remember to load the dishwasher aren’t great. But if you create a routine that builds loading the dishwasher into your standard get-ready-for-bed activities, you’re much more likely to succeed with it.

What New Year’s Resolutions do you have for this year? And did you change any of them after reading this?